I could almost picture his face after climbing a flight of stairs. The tubby sheriff was my favorite character. The police frequent Zack’s home to remind his parents that there is little hope they will find him. They bang a few times (which is extra gross because Zack looks like he’s about 10 years old), but he only does it to lull her into a false sense of security and plan his escape. There is NO need for a codpiece to be that accentuating. so get ‘em young, right? April has an explosive necklace attached to Zack so he won’t escape and then she forces him to do chores around the house in some truly nauseating tight bicycle shorts. She wants to make the perfect man for herself so she can recapture her lost teen years. The film was the story of a 15 year old boy who gets kidnapped by former mercenary, April, with a sad (and boring) backstory that leads her into insanity. It takes place in upstate New York (ah, me old stomping grounds). The fates bellowed and laughed, but we purchased our tickets anyway and marched into the darkened theater just as the opening credits started. We parked in the wrong structure too and so could not get our ticket validated. We took a wrong turn getting off the 101 freeway and we were running late as it was, but we simply had to get there. Half of our party was fighting illness, but the trailer had so enticed us. It was one of the few theaters we could find that would even screen it. I saw this film with some friends and fellow Chroniclers on its first run at the Laemmle on Sunset Blvd. It is The Abduction of Zack Butterfield (aka The Last Days of April) (2011). It is the progeny of writer/director/producer/editor (always a dangerous sign) Rick Lancaster. Naturally, I have a dedicated perimeter of friends who are always on the lookout for new potential entries into the pantheon of cinematic crapdom. They get strange and seemingly inexplicable cult followings too. I love Plan 9 From Outer Space, Troll 2, Birdemic, Starcrash, The Room, Turkish Star Wars, Night of the Lepus, the whole Godzilla series, you name it.
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December 2022
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